Now Hiring: Errand Boy


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Looking for an on-campus part-time job with flexible hours and underwear-cleaning duties? If you went to Georgetown, you’d be in luck!

In our nation’s capital, students don’t have to wait to graduate from college before becoming a self-important pricks that need personal assistants— they can start right now. And they’re hiring wannabe-sycophants with a tendency towards masochism.

According to the Georgetown Voice blog, a Georgetown sophomore posted a job listing on the Student Employment Office website offering $12/hour for a student willing to do tasks like:

Organize closet -make bed -Drop off / pick up dry cleaning -Drop me off / pick me up from work -Do laundry -Fill up gas tank -bring car for servicing -schedule appointment for haircut -Pay parking tickets -manage electronic accounts -shopping and running errands -other random tasks.

It’s the opportunity of a life time, to be sure. Why do grunt work as an intern at a corporation when you can be humiliated at the hands of a fellow student?

And watch out, although he offers the opportunity to earn bonuses, he’s stingy with his hours:

Tasks such as doing laundry that involve a lot of waiting around (time when you could be doing other tasks or doing your own stuff) will be counted for the approximate amount of time it would take to do the labor involved. For instance, laundry will be counted for half an hour even though a laundry cycle takes 1.5 hrs to complete.

Makes you appreciate your your part-time job as a book organizer at Gerontology Library, doesn’t it?