Love U: An open letter to a former Valentine

From break ups to make ups and everything in between, “Love U” captures the nuances of college students’ relationships. “Love U” runs in DeeTs on Mondays.  

Dear former valentine,

It’s been two years since you’ve been my valentine. Now what you are to me is something between a distant friend and a memory. Over the course of three years, we had a lot of firsts together. You were my first boyfriend, first love, first heartbreak. During our time together, you taught me a lot of lessons about love. So, in lieu of snuggling up with a special someone this Feb. 14, I’m going to share with you a few things I’ve learned instead.

You taught me that long-distance relationships are hard, but that it’s worth going the distance for some people. As tough as it was to be away from you for months at a time, nothing beat the excitement of picking you up from the airport or opening my front door to see you standing there with open arms.

You taught me that it’s okay, even worthwhile, to be vulnerable. I think it was fairly obvious to both of us that wearing my heart on my sleeve wasn’t my strong suit, that I had a habit of thinking practically rather than emotionally. While neither quality can exist in a vacuum, now I know it would do me a little good to let my feelings out more often rather than bottling them up inside.

You taught me to believe in myself. For three years you were my biggest cheerleader. You told me I was smart and funny and beautiful, but, even more important than telling me all those things that a girl wants to be told, you made it known that you thought I deserved the best. You told me that I do could do anything I set my mind to, and you made it a point to tell me so.

You taught me that “but you broke up with him right?” means nothing because heartbreak can happen even if you’re the one who does the proverbial dumping. Even though I knew it was time that we parted ways, my heart cracked open knowing that I pushed you away — and even more so knowing that that I hurt someone I cared so deeply about.

You taught me that a first love is something not to be forgotten. I still have cards you made me for anniversaries, letters you sent me on Valentine’s Day, a couple screenshots of funny text messages we exchanged. I used to think it was a little sad, maybe even pathetic I that I held onto these mementos; now I know I would have regretted throwing them away. I kept them because they remind me how much love you can have for a person, and how amazing that is. Reading them brings back memories that I’ll always smile back on.

Last — but not least — you taught me that time heals some things, but not everything.  We’ve both seen other people, and you don’t pop into my head as often as you once did. From time to time, though, I wonder if we could still be right for each other somewhere down the line, at a point in our lives when the timing is better for us both.

Yesterday, you spent this Hallmark holiday with a new valentine. I genuinely mean it when I say I hope you two make each other happy because you deserve that more than anyone I know. But most of all, regardless of who you spend today, or tomorrow, or five years from now with, what I really want to say is thank you for being my former valentine. The fact that my first love was someone as caring and loving as you is something I’ll always hold in a special place in my heart.

Love,

Your former valentine