Half of me wants to spill all the tea that has been my life these past couple of weeks to you all and the other half of me wants nothing to do with other human beings right now. I’m not even sure what I wanted to talk about because lately I have been feeling so lost in the sauce. As I was brainstorming article ideas that would be inspiring, the lack of the creative juices was very evident. Lately I feel like I have been running on E —physically, emotionally and mentally.
I feel like everyone goes through waves of wanting to just hit the eject button from life. With spring break three weeks away, my desire to run away from all my responsibilities has been turned on high. Unlike probably so many other people, I have no special, exciting or tropical plans for the break so I will most likely just pop over to Arizona for a couple days to recharge with my family.
I decided to write a short letter to my future self for this week’s blog. Part of this act of vulnerability for me is that I want to acknowledge some good and some not-so-good (I guess?) parts about myself and my life right now so I can look back at this and see how far I’ve grown. Whether my personal letter is something that resonates with you or not, I highly recommend anyone reading this do this themselves. Being open and honest can be hard, whether it’s with friends or family, but I’ve learned that sometimes the hardest person to get real with is yourself.
So, here goes nothing…
Dear Future Self,
I know lately you’ve been feeling really lost. But I want you to know it’s okay and that as cliche as it sounds — it won’t last forever. You’re someone that thrives on working toward goals. Lately, some of those goals have seemed very overwhelming. When there are bumps in the road or detours in your grand plan you get really thrown off. It’s okay to not know where to go next. Life isn’t a pre-programmed GPS with just one destination. It’s okay to feel lost sometimes, to feel like you want to throw in the towel, that you’ve failed.
Everything will happen in God’s time. So now matter how much you are wanting to press the gas, if the tank is on E, you have to let God refill the tank. You can’t be at point Z if you haven’t gone through X and Y yet. I know you want so many things and often your impatience, perfectionism and sensitivity to what seems like the whole world makes it feel like those goals are unattainable or that life can’t possibly have something as great as you want really in store for you. But it does and you just have to replace that fear with faith.
Once you stop comparing your journey to other’s or even to where you think you should be or who you think you should be, you can finally be at peace with the path you are on. Let God prepare you for what you want in the future, so that when it presents itself you are ready for it.
Have patience in the journey. Acknowledge that through struggle and failure and being vulnerable you are only growing. And sometimes growing is painful, but it is also worth it.
Samantha Johnson is a senior majoring in communication. Her column, Sips Tea, runs every other week on Friday.