OPINION: Board of Trustees replaces interim president with Starbucks


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Effren Villanueva/Daily Trojan

After a grueling search to permanently fill the vacant position of USC president after the resignation of C. L. Max Nikias, the Board of Trustees decided that a new Starbucks will helm the University.

Board Chairman Rick Caruso announced the decision Monday and made it clear that the Board of Trustees took the concerns of students, faculty and alumni into account.

“We know this University is in desperate need for some severe changes to how we operate, and the Board of Trustees and I can’t think of a better entity to best serve our student’s interests than the place that invented the Double Chocolatey Chip Frappuccino. Kids love that!” Caruso said.

The Board previously appointed Wanda Austin as the University’s interim president while the search took place. Austin, who served on President Obama’s Council of Advisors on Science and Technology released a statement in support of the Board’s decision.

“The USC Community deserves a leader that is committed to enacting change that will end the harmful culture that has allowed past abhorrent behaviors to take place,” Austin wrote. “Y’know, like the place that tried to make the Unicorn Frappuccino a thing, not some nobody who was the former president and CEO of The Aerospace Corp.”

Students were confused by the logistics of the decision. Sophomore Dominic Nguyen didn’t know what to make of the situation.

“So, they built a new Starbucks and [are] letting it make the decisions,” Nguyen said. “It won’t take any action! It’ll be Nikias all over again!”

Caruso acknowledged the community resistance to letting an inanimate building take control of the University, but insisted the move was in the school’s best interest.

“Look, those Starbucks make a killing,” Caruso explained. “We put one of ’em in charge, and we’ll have money flowing out our nostrils!”

When asked what the University would do with the revenue, Caruso shrugged nonchalantly.

“I don’t know? How ’bout another Starbucks? That’s what the kids like, right?” Caruso said.