Advice from Dr. Blingspice: Connections beyond coitus

A drawing of a map of the U.S. with two figures on it. One is hanging onto the East Coast and the other is on the West Coast and holding a magnet. In between the two figures is a drawing of a heart.
(Lauren Schatzman | Daily Trojan)

With no fall breeze, girls have yet to start dressing like stereotypical midwestern baddies. While there are no big scarves or thigh-high leather boots in sight, time is ticking. We all know what’s coming — cuffing season.

The 90 degree weather has Trojans hot and ready to form one-and-done sexual connections. When the heat is over though, how sustainable is that lifestyle when what you really want is to cuddle with someone in front of the Parkside outdoor bonfire? 

Not sure how to smoothly transition into this upcoming cuffing season? Dr. Blingspice has you covered with advice that will help even the loneliest USCuties find a special someone to comfort them through the chaotic semester.

I hooked up with a guy and we had a real connection. How long after should I wait for him to text? When do I drop him and forget about him? I became too attached. 

While I’m a firm believer in men doing the heavy lifting in most situations, I’m also an advocate for people securing the bag on their own terms. Anticipating a text from your hookup puts you in a vulnerable state of anxiety when your phone buzzes, only for you to be left with a growing void every time it’s not him. Take matters into your own hands and initiate the conversation. Be a girlboss and give him a heart attack when he receives your message.

Being a girlboss comes with risks. Prepare for rejection because the foundation of your interaction with the man was initially just sex. Unless both of you expressed any intention to pursue a connection beyond coitus, your shots could possibly backfire, in which case I encourage you to find yourself another chiseled man — there are plenty along Trousdale. With your confidence, unless I’m mistaking it for dicknosis — hypnosis by the male genitalia — I’m sure the connection is mutual. If so, I really encourage you to take the risk and start plotting.

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for years. We are both living in Los Angeles, so distance isn’t an issue. Recently, a new girl has popped into my life, and I can’t stop thinking about her. I still love my girlfriend, but I’m crushing on this new girl. Is this normal and what can I do about it? 

A short-distance relationship with a girlfriend you’ve been dating for years and you are tempted to toss that away for a side piece you just met; the human brain sometimes morphs into a can of beans when we least expect it. To answer your question, this is normal. You can’t control your emotions, but what you decide to do about your newfound attraction can certainly be a judgement of your character. 

Think about the amount of time, effort and money you’ve invested into your relationship and ponder how unfortunate it would be to let it all collapse because of another woman you just met. For your next step, list every imperfection and what you despise most about the new girl until you develop a distaste. You can make anyone seem unfathomably unattractive if you try hard enough. 

The alternative is to avoid spending time with the girl until your butterflies for her wither away. If she messages you asking to go on a Dulce brunch date with her, you respond: “Sorry, I’m busy checking the water pressure in my apartment building.” Did she message you asking to have a late night study session? Have a text ready saying: “Sorry bestie, I’m eating breakfast.” Curve the girl every chance you get until you get over your lovesickness and can pay full attention to your girlfriend.

I think I’m in love with someone and don’t know how to tell them.

Depending on what your current relationship is with the beloved, ask them to get a meal or coffee one-on-one and gauge whether the attraction is mutual. Once you get a feel for whether they think of you as a friend or a love interest, then attack — subtly — with hints that you like them. If they respond well to your flirtatiousness, you’ll eventually build up the confidence to tell them your true feelings. 

You can also have a Jay Gatsby moment and throw a function for the sole purpose of telling your personal “Daisy” that you admire them. As a warning, this option is a lot more bold, but if you get rejected, you’ll have host duties that will distract you from the heartbreak. If the mission is a success, you will have thrown a rager and have a brand new lover to celebrate with. 

If you need advice, feel free to reach out to Dr. Blingspice by direct messaging Daily Trojan on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook or by submitting your questions to the Google Form on the Instagram stories.

Emanuel Rodriguez is a junior offering advice on students’ most pressing questions. He is also the Audience Engagement Editor at the Daily Trojan. His column, “Advice from Dr. Blingspice,” runs every other Friday.