Binary ideas gatekeep nonbinary pronouns
Gender inclusivity and asking for pronouns has become a part of everyday life in college classrooms and other settings around USC. You would think that with every professor and icebreaker stressing pronouns as part of preliminary introductions, assuming one’s pronouns has become less and less common.
As someone who wears a pronouns pin from the LGBTQ+ Student Center, lists their pronouns on social media platforms and writes a multitude of name tags for classes and work where indicating pronouns is a requirement, you’d be surprised at how swiftly the adjective “her” gets uttered to describe me.
There still exists a misconception nonbinary people must look androgynous or have a certain physical characteristic that is qualifiable as a “they/them.” But, hey, I have braids in my hair 90% of the time, wear skirts and dresses and wear feminine makeup, and somehow, that warrants an “It’s OK” or another form of validation to people who mispronoun me.
The truth is sometimes a pit of guilt in my stomach comes around when I say my pronouns are “they/them” and that somehow I am not worthy of being nonbinary because I am mainly feminine presenting.
It feels like writing pronouns on name tags or introducing yourself with pronouns are paper-thin promises that have no real meaning since, two seconds later, someone’s pronouns are ignored and appearance becomes synonymous with identity.
It truly is funny how a two-hour lecture would focus on diversity and inclusivity in the workroom — with a hyperfocus on making sure students have pronouns in their Slack name — then soon after hearing “She is…” when referring to me.
And yes, some people apologize for mispronouning — a thing that should become way more common than it actually is — but whenever this happens to me, I always end up being the one who says, “No worries” and continue to be an active apologist for the culture of applying binary ideas to nonbinary identities.
Nonbinary does not have a prerequisite of wearing baggy clothes or having short hair with a mid-deep voice. If that is how someone expresses themselves then that is totally valid, but no, there is not a checklist to check off to feel as though “they/them” is indicative of who they are.
There are nonbinary people who are hypermasculine or hyperfeminine or maybe understand the comfort of Lululemon leggings and a T-shirt. Yet, these physical binary notions continue to haunt the sphere of nonbinaryness and how the predominantly cis world, especially at USC, understands these identities.
The only meaningful way to make strides in creating a safe environment for nonbinary people is erasing personal misconceptions of what pronouns “look like.” Instead of focusing on the base level of asking for pronouns, we should be reevaluating our own biases and societal norms. Until that happens, I and others will continue to feel the discomfort and disappointment of amounting to our physical appearance as an indicator of our identity.