Unlearning societal expectations saved my life
On my Instagram profile, I have one highlight: a video of my reaction to getting into USC. I can recall the countless nights I spent fighting to stay awake to do homework after a 10-hour day at school, all to get into my dream university. As a child of immigrant parents who taught me reality before aspiration, I never saw a school like USC as a possibility. This generational desperation to survive in America manifested into a “work harder” mindset for me. My USC acceptance letter was tangible proof that, if I worked hard enough, I could do anything.
However, if you’re anything like me, you’ve never felt more like a fraud than during these last two semesters. There’s nothing more painful than realizing that all you’ve ever worked for, the product of painstaking nights and B+ breakdowns, was just a miracle. Miracles, by nature, are a rare occurrence. This college experience, one that I thought would be the blissful epilogue to a story of struggle, was not the fulfillment I had been looking for. I’ve spent many ungodly nights in front of my dorm bathroom mirror and myself, “If hard work got me into a prestigious university, isn’t that a good thing? Why do I feel so worthless?”
Though I try to remind myself that others are also attempting to win this game of catch-up, I often find myself lonely. Isn’t that crazy? I mean, I’ve met hundreds of people here. Whether we use a lens of anticapitalism or not, the University subjects us to comparison and competition. Think of the curves, the way professors claim that our mental health matters more than our grades just to hand out Cs or how some cutthroat students seem to run themselves ragged, attempting to outshine their so-called friends. We all fought in one way or another to come to USC, but for some, this became the development of a habit of stepping on others to succeed.
Looking back, the most important thing I learned from my freshman year is that success in college is not based solely on academics. In one of my classes, my professor gave an assignment that required two interviews with industry professionals. Consistently met with full voicemail boxes and unreturned follow-ups, I realized that this would be an arduous process for me.
As many other students reached out to family friends or to their connections to complete the assignment, I grew frustrated that I didn’t have a network. I didn’t grow up in a community or family that was affluent. There seemed to be an expectation that I would have to start a few steps behind and work multiple times harder to be a competitive student.
Kim Kardashian’s interview with Variety highlights this expectation: “Get your fucking ass up and work. It seems like nobody wants to work these days.” In our present day, we’ve been taught that success is solely a fruit of our labor when, in truth, the measure of success is not how hard you work. You can’t outwork someone who has more resources or connections. You can’t outrun someone with a coach and a place to train.
What units of measurement do you use to determine your worth? So often, we determine worth using quantitative or qualitative means. When I befriended students who were part of programs like the World Bachelor in Business program, I felt comparatively unambitious at first. However, I don’t have the same goals as others, so it wouldn’t make sense that we would have the same journeys.
For the longest time, I thought that life was just turmoil and that anyone who thought differently was rich or lazy. But what does it even mean to be successful? What is living when solely based on a system of merit? When we actively switch our value system to one of fulfillment, we can find a passion for life.
Some people want to become millionaires because they believe it will bring them joy. Some run around their whole lives trying to have everything. Beyoncé once said, “I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. I only have to follow my heart and concentrate on what I want to say to the world. I run my world.” Be more like Beyoncé. We are more than a set of traits — we are amalgamations of identities and values, we live lives worth celebrating.
When I was in the darkest times of my life, I would walk outside to smell the petrichor of the Seattle rain, watching busy people rush by in sedans. In that moment of losing hope, I found beauty in the now. Living with electrifying abandon, I found truth. So if you’re feeling like you’re losing yourself, or are questioning life, I’d like to tell you one last thing. I had to unlearn pain. I had to unlearn living someone else’s dream. I had to unlearn the belief that I was just a data point of a demographic on a government census.
You don’t have to impress, satisfy or love anyone else before yourself. You are worth more than anything you will ever do! Take up space! Stand up for yourself! Laugh loudly and love recklessly! You owe it to yourself to unlearn these ideologies and capitalistic mindsets that have burdened us all this time. If this postpandemic school year has proved anything, it’s that life isn’t found in the world — it’s found within you.