An identity crisis for children of immigrants

As the child of Salvadoran parents, I’ve been taught to have some pride for the motherland. However, it feels artificial at times because I’ve never had the opportunity to actually visit El Salvador — leaving an empty spot inside and feeling a lack of connection to my family and roots. I have no shame in being Salvadoran, I’ve hammered the fact that I’m Salvi into the heads of my friends for so long and use a decent amount of the “caliche” or colloquial language when I speak Spanish with my family and Spanish-speaking friends. 

But I’m still left in this limbo of not knowing what the hell I feel more connected to, my American upbringing or my Salvadoran roots. While the United States has provided me with an abundance of opportunities that I’m so grateful for, it has also implanted a constant anxiety in me regarding what’s going to happen to my parents and, at times, discomfort about our situation. There is no true patriotism for either nation. 

It’s not a sentiment felt only by myself; I asked friends of a variety of ethnic backgrounds and they also felt that way. There are also articles about this all throughout the internet talking about this internal conflict. It seems every child of an immigrant feels this way but no answers exist to the dilemma. That is until I read texts by Princeton University professor Doug Massey in my SOCI-155 course during my first semester at USC, so I reached out to have a chat.

There are so many factors that come into play when trying to understand what exactly someone feels more aligned with culturally and why. A lot of it starts with your parents, as do most things.

“It depends a lot on the class status, the education of the parents and what age they entered the United States,” Massey said. “So if your parents came at older ages and started to learn English well after their teens, they’re not going to speak it very fluently compared to people who came here before their teens. And assimilation is going to be more difficult and problematic.”

The immigration process is different between those from the Eastern and Western hemisphere. Historically speaking, Mexicans who came over to the U.S. were here for temporary employment in hard labor jobs as part of programs like the Bracero program. There are also others from different nations in the West that come seeking asylum, some that simply cross the border in hopes of a better life and those fortunate enough to obtain a visa to work in the U.S. 

A large portion of people immigrating from the East come with an H-1 visa, one of the most coveted items to have as an immigrant. However, obtaining that visa is one of the hardest things to do. You have to be deemed a skilled worker whose speciality is desired, alongside a degree. This narrows it down to elite nations, excluding the working class and making it a more arduous process for those looking to come in. 

“So there’s the stereotype of the model minority. And for students who don’t want to live up to that stereotype or can’t live up to that stereotype, that becomes problematic for them. The thing to understand about Asians is they are what sociologists call hyper-selective to get into the United States,” Massey said.

Even if you fall under those categories previously mentioned, there is no guarantee you’ll obtain that visa as there is also a quota as to how many visas the U.S. can give out per year. This difficulty to enter the U.S. influences parents into putting pressure on their children to study degrees that are “worthwhile.” There’s the common joke that all immigrant parents want their kids to become lawyers or doctors — if they really want to make your childhood hell, both — but it’s influenced by the immigration process. It’s their way of letting you know that they want what’s best for you. 

Being able to attend bilingual or cultural school gets children more acclimated to the language and history compared to those who learn at home. Schooling influences what a person consumes, impacting where they align themselves in their cultural compass. When talking to Massey about languages and going back to the motherland, he talked about the struggle for second-generation immigrants to feel like they belong in the country of their parents.

“I’ve run into a lot of Mexican Americans in Mexico, Chicanos in Mexico, who are relieved to find me and talk to somebody in English because they grew up thinking they’re really Mexican and they go to Mexico and they discover they’re not really Mexican in the same way they’re Mexican in the United States, but they’re Chicanos. They’re not the same as native-born Mexicans who grew up in Mexico,” Massey said.

These sentiments aren’t exclusive. They’re also not going anywhere. As long as there is a clash of two cultures, there will be a confusion as to what someone feels more of. It’s about learning to deal with this issue and growing in a country with immense diversity. I understand that I’ll never fully consider myself to be 100% Salvadoran since I don’t have a complete cultural understanding of the nation, and I’m not completely American because of my upbringing. As long as I embrace both and not forget my roots, I suppose I’m content with my own perception of myself, a mix of both.