Where did the time go?
When I moved to Los Angeles for college, I was ecstatic to finally be away from home. I wanted to be away from the safety net of my family and learn all the “college life lessons” I always heard about from my older sister and upperclassmen friends. My hometown began to suffocate me, and I couldn’t wait to move to the big city at the University I worked so hard to get into. Frankly, I had never really been a family-oriented person nor have I ever truly had strong familial values. College seemed like a golden opportunity for freedom and independence.
The first few months were bliss. I no longer had to constantly worry about a curfew or asking for permission to go out. Simply put, all my decisions were fully my own, and I became less dependent on the constant parental validation I wanted back home.
The Atlantic writer Alia Wong states, “Many undergrads, especially those who live on campus, are caught in a sort of limbo between dependence and independence, making their own rules and schedules but relying on their parents to help them.”
Without knowing, the more I had gotten used to my independence and the busier I got with my workload, the less I called home and the less I was present in my family’s lives. I still needed them but as I grew out of that, they faded into the back of my mind. But I soon got a harsh wake-up call: My grandmother had been hospitalized.
The moment I was told of my grandmother’s condition, an immediate and overwhelming feeling of guilt, regret and panic washed over me. To me, my grandmother is the only pillar and source of unconditional love I unknowingly took for granted. I reflected on how neglectful I was towards my grandmother during breaks and chose to go out with friends, refused to play her favorite game of Go-Stop because “I could always do that later” and how I would never call her when I was back at school because “I could always see her during the break.”
Family can be a source of strength or pain for many students. But, if you’re lucky enough to have a warm, loving and supportive family, cherishing that relationship and making an effort to show you appreciate them is indispensable. It’s easy to be swept up by all these new responsibilities with the constant stress of having to stay productive or risk falling behind your peers.
College often involves anticipating every next move of your professors and preparing for the next new opportunity — whether it’s internships, exams, research or the social scene. Time feels limited. We only have four or so years of undergrad and want to look forward and succeed in life. But because time is limited, it’s necessary to take a pause and look back to the place and people you came from, so we don’t lose sight of what’s truly important. We never know what we have until we lose it. It’s not just time at university that is limited, it’s our time with the people around us.
The time we spend with our loved ones is just as important as that internship, interview or exam. Our families need us, just as much as we need them.
I could only imagine how much my grandmother’s loneliness was amplified considering how she left everything she knew in South Korea to immigrate to the United States to help my mother raise me. But, without me knowing, I was so caught up in the chaos of college life that I never really took the time to verbalize my appreciation and gratitude for her unconditional support and love. I can always ask for an extension, reschedule an interview and work on that application another time. But, I can never replicate or find my grandmother’s unconditional love anywhere else.
I have always seen sappy Hollywood movies of the protagonist regretting neglecting their family for work and personal growth and brushed it off as glorified nuclear family propaganda, but there’s some truth to those stories. The next time you go home, spend some time with your family. Be in the present and cherish the moments you have with them. Give them a quick call or shoot them a quick text to just let them know you appreciate them. Because when I get back home for spring break, I know I’ll be with my grandmother and giving her my undivided attention.