I’ll be sober before I turn 21

Oh to be young and free…

It’s time to live it up — at least that’s what I thought. I always figured I would have at least a few wild nights in college, the type to look back on in twenty years and think, “Those were the good old days.” 

Freshman year was a blur of parties, late nights and sleeping in. It was the time to live it up with some carefree fun. But my second year of college has looked a bit different. Late nights have turned into being in bed by 10 p.m. Sleeping off a hangover became early morning yoga and meditation. I found myself turning down plans on the weekends, so much that going to parties has become a very rare occurrence. Meanwhile, it seems everyone around me is living their best lives filled with friends, drinking and going out.

So, what’s wrong with me, and why can’t I join in on the fun?

There’s something I left out about my first year of college — the day after. If a hangover wasn’t already enough to deal with after a night of drinking, add crippling anxiety into the mix. It wasn’t not just worrying about whether or not I embarrassed myself the night before while drunk; It went a bit deeper than that, to the point where it can persist and take over my life for days. I became paranoid and fearful that, because of how I act when I drink, I somehow ruined my life the night before or made all of my friends hate me. 

This led to me having to accept the difficult truth that, while I may like the idea of drinking, the reality of it often falls short for me. A couple of hours of fun isn’t worth the high price I have to pay after. Even if I reduce the amount I drink, only having one or two, I still feel off the next day. I may not have a hangover, but I still feel down and anxious. No matter what I try, alcohol and I just don’t mix well. 

However, for many, quitting alcohol isn’t as simple as it seems. Alcohol, especially when you are young, plays a big role in socializing and going out. Sometimes it just feels easier to have a drink than have to explain to those around you that you aren’t drinking right now. 

According to the National Institute of Medicine, the two main reasons people consume alcohol are to escape stress and social influence. In theory, the idea of escape is a very tempting one; It’s nice to forget about the rest of the world for a little while.

But that illusion comes crashing down all too quickly when I wake up the next day, and it has left me feeling isolated and alone in my struggles. As you drink, your brain and body are hard at work undoing the effects of alcohol and turning all the joy from the previous night into anxiety. The drink that gave me an escape became part of the problem I was running from.

Luckily, a new solution has been on the rise — the Sober Curious Movement. While there’s still a drinking culture on college campuses, more and more Gen Z are deciding to ditch alcohol altogether, or at least be more mindful of how they consume. Not only that, but many celebrities are openly sober and talking about how it has improved their lives. Bella Hadid not only ditched alcohol because it caused her anxiety, but went on to create a non-alcoholic drink line. Sobriety’s popularity is impactful because it assures those of us who struggle with drinking that we are not alone, and it gives us an alternative. Drinking is an option if you want it. 

In the end, I don’t know exactly where I stand with my relationship with alcohol. I don’t think I’m ready to completely give it up, but I definitely want to be mindful about how much I consume. I’ve learned that, when it comes to alcohol and the majority of things in life, nothing feels better than staying true to yourself. We can become so consumed by the social pressures of the world that we sometimes forget to ask whether or not something is actually working for us.

I drank to try to chase the feeling of youth and belonging, but, on this journey, I learned I was forgetting that I can belong to myself. 

So, if this all keeps up, I swear I’ll be sober by the time I’m 21.