Delve into a manipulative man’s favorite artists
There are exceptions to the rule — sometimes. But never with these musicians.
There are exceptions to the rule — sometimes. But never with these musicians.
The date’s been going well, and you’re thinking, “This is the one …” He takes his AirPods out of his pockets.
“Let me put you on something, this is gonna change your life.” Surely, his music will seal the deal and will be the cherry on top of a perfect night. Then he presses play — it’s over.
Women have been taught to read men like the stars. Generations of heteronormative and patriarchal relationships ultimately leading to marriages of varying success have allowed women to notice things like his willingness to pick up the check, looking groomed or having a good relationship with the women in his life.
For women in this generation, a man’s music taste can tell you everything from his annual salary to how many times a week — if at all — he calls his mother. Most importantly, specific artists can bestow a title upon a man that will tell a person everything they need to know — the title of “Male Manipulator.”
Keep an eye out for these next five artists to steer clear of a man who will smoke hand-rolled cigarettes and wear five-inch inseam shorts on the outside but on the inside, really thinks that Kanye did nothing wrong.
The Strokes
The release of “The New Abnormal” in 2020 ushered in an era that unfortunately normalized the concept of men publicly enjoying The Strokes, an epoch that has wreaked irreversible havoc on the population of people attracted to men. The main culprit of The Strokes’ appropriation by male manipulators is the album’s lead single, “The Adults Are Talking,” with its undeniably catchy riff and chorus.
More specifically, however, the song allows men to hear Julian Casablancas croon about a victim complex while also claiming to have a deep emotional connection to Jean-Michel Basquiat’s art despite only knowing “Bird on Money.”
To an untrained eye, mentions of 2000s indie rock and artistic powerhouses like Basquiat might make a man appear artistically tuned in with an appreciation for culture — don’t let this fool you.
Radiohead
The level of manipulation possible in a man who loves Radiohead is measured in three key albums of increasing malevolence: the most evil, “OK Computer”; the slightly less menacing, “In Rainbows”; and the relatively safe, “The Bends.”
Whether it’s “Karma Police” or, God forbid, “Weird Fishes/ Arpeggi,” listening to this artist points to a much greater problem with the male manipulator — they will probably be a “Let Down.”
If a man lists an album that was not named above, he’s either off the grid and knows nothing of male manipulator music, or he’s patient zero of the “male loneliness epidemic.” Either way, avoiding him is the safest route.
Clairo
If there’s one thing we’ve learned from Paul Mescal’s Clairo hoodie, it’s that it should act like the beckoning cliffs of an Irish seaside that longs to sing your ship. Walk, or, like Mescal, run away from your date if he, as a man, lists Clairo as one of his top artists.
With only three albums to her name and a legion of male manipulators at her beck and call, Clairo’s soothing, gentle style seems to lure in the most heinous of men, specifically those that listened to “Sofia” and thought, “I relate to this.” In this case, you should be both alone and a stranger.
Mac DeMarco
Where to begin with one of the most sinister male manipulator artists out there? Disguised as acoustic ballads coated in a haze of smoke, DeMarco’s discography is a sea of red flags waiting to be uncovered.
“My Kind of Woman” isn’t just a song; it’s an indicator that he and his mom are way too close. “Heart To Heart” isn’t a vulnerable lamentation; it means he isn’t over the first person he ever had a crush on. “Moonlight on the River” isn’t a song about evolving feelings; to him, it’s a song about how he thinks he could’ve gone pro had he not torn his ACL during his senior year of high school.
Faye Webster
A man who enjoys Faye Webster is, more often than not, a man who has already broken hearts. He listens to “Jonny” and wishes that he could undo the damage he did to his first successful relationship, where he first discovered the romance of “Right Side of My Neck,” thinking this relationship was the end of the line, “In A Good Way.”
Like Clairo, Webster’s lilting and romantic style is the gum to male manipulators’ shoes, most of which are likely either Doc Martens or a beat-up pair of Converse hightops that haven’t been cleaned since seeing the light of day for the first time.
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