Picture a pack of American Spirits in his car, two eyelashes worth of hair on his upper lip and painter’s overalls that he got on Depop that cost more than his rent. If these images don’t tell you what you need to know about a man, ask yourself how many times you’ve heard him say the word “cinema” in earnest in the past week.

What might have once been an innocent and avid moviegoer somewhere along the line turned into a Mubi subscriber. Some call it a fate worse than twink death. Before you know it, this flavor of man is making end-of-year lists and raving about cinematography with no clear idea of what the word means. And don’t get him started on digital projectors.

There’s a plague in the zeitgeist of douches-in-disguise who fancy themselves film critics on their Substack, but they can be hard to catch. In a world with so many films and so many men — and in a newsroom with sports editor Henry Mode — you can’t avoid coming across the frightening intersection between movie magic and male manipulation. But if they have any of the following films on their top four, you might have found one with enough time left over to run away.

“The Big Short” (2015)

Drawing finance bros to the silver screen like moths to a flame, Adam McKay’s “The Big Short” took a high-speed look at the 2008 financial crisis through the lens of some gaslighter favorites. A lonely Christian Bale, bearded Brad Pitt, notably blond Steve Carell and notably not-blond Ryan Gosling star in the satirical flick as a handful of key investors and hedge fund managers before and during the crisis.

This film marks the first of many instances when a filmmaker wanted to create a cautionary tale about avarice and callousness, only to create the exact opposite. Watch at your own risk, lest you completely miss the messaging of the movie and decide to pursue a career in hawking low-quality investment products to unsuspecting buyers and profiting off their eventual downfall.

“The Shining” (1980)

If you’re in need of a film that’ll make a guy go, “They don’t make them like this anymore,” despite being born 25 years after it came out, look no further than Stanley Kubrick’s third-to-last directed feature, “The Shining.”

Make no mistake, a handful of Kubrick’s works merit their own place on a list like this. “A Clockwork Orange” (1971) and “2001: A Space Odyssey” (1968) may have garnered a spot for the angsty and philosophical Silver Lake thrifters respectively, but his flagship horror flick makes it above the rest due in part to being based on a Stephen King novel, giving a hint of male manipulator readers’ fave as well.

“The Godfather” (1972)

As the representative for the mob movie genre, “The Godfather” is a landmark film from writer-director — and avid Letterboxd user — Francis Ford Coppola. It’s well-known for good reason, with its star-studded cast headed by Marlon Brando, Al Pacino and Robert Duvall. Unfortunately, this also means it has plenty of idols for the artisanal burger makers that wish they were mafiosos.

But one would be remiss to ignore the other great male manipulator movies that this genre has left us with. Just ask the aforementioned Mode about his love for Martin Scorsese’s “Goodfellas” (1990), and follow Ford Coppola’s trajectory as a filmmaker, though the admiration from misogynistic TikTokers might not include his latest release, “Megalopolis” (2024), and its mixed reception.

“The Wolf of Wall Street” (2013)

Thus, we reach what might be the Holy Grail of manipulator movies — perhaps only rivaled by our last entry. “The Wolf of Wall Street” has a little bit of everything: glorification of drug consumption and objectifying women, a Leonardo DiCaprio-led cast, and staying power through the many memes it has produced.

The film takes us back to what might be the main root of all evil: movies about shady financiers. Once again, however, it seems that the imagery of yacht parties and cocaine is just a tad more present in some watchers’ minds than Jordan Belfort’s (Leonardo DiCaprio’s) ultimate fate. One could question Scorsese and his eyebrows for the effect they’ve had on this country’s youth — and the Marshall School of Business.

Anything directed by Christopher Nolan

Count this as a lifetime achievement in perpetuating condescending “explanations” of needlessly complex movies. Tag your friends and loved ones who felt like astrophysicists because they understood “Interstellar” (2014), or nuclear physicists because they resonated with “Oppenheimer” (2023). 

At least the last two titles have received larger acclaim across the board, but there was once a time when all Nolan wanted to do was make his movies more and more complex and hard to follow. It was a perfect opportunity for mansplaining, so maybe your favorite male manipulator hasn’t quite felt the same since “Inception” (2010) or “Tenet” (2020). 

Condolences to Quentin Tarantino for missing out on having a whole section dedicated to his filmography; he sits at a close second only because it’s been longer since his last release, and his plots are only as confusing as Nolan’s when he somehow finds a way to self-insert as a slur-slinging racist.

“American Psycho” (2000)

The source material for a myriad of profile pictures and the inspiration for too many Halloween costumes, Mary Harron’s “American Psycho” might be the quintessential male manipulator pick. Its tale of vanity, greed and murder carries over from its source material, creating a film infused with the high-rising world of New York City finance that ridicules Wall Street suits.

This might make you wonder, “How could a caricature of modern finance and its soulless nature, represented through brutal killings and heartlessness, possibly be seen as anything but a cautionary tale?” You might have to ask the dudes that look at Patrick Bateman’s sweaty mug and say, “He’s literally me.” From watching the film, you’d also know to avoid Huey Lewis & The News when filtering the men in your life. Consider this an addendum to our list outlining male manipulator music last semester, and stay safe.