How you can tell if you are meant to be together

Single young adults are continuously in search of companionship. According to Steve Yoder of thefiscaltimes.com, online dating is a $2 billion industry with almost 3,900 companies running dating sites. Finding the right one seems hard these days, but whether you do it through online dating or you take a more traditional route, it can be incredibly rewarding to find “the one.” That individual’s ability to meet our needs varies depending on which stage of life you’re in. In college, at least, it seems most of us are seeking either an emotional or sexual connection.

So how do you begin? Most relationships begin with sheer physical attraction. Some college students limit their romantic life to just hookups, and that’s fine — provided both participants have the same agenda. If you’re looking for that lasting emotional connection, however, then you might need to ask yourself some very basic, but often difficult, questions.

Do you want someone to compliment you, or do you need someone to pull you out of an emotional hole? The latter immediately indicates a dependency on someone. If you are the one always giving, calling, texting and waiting on what they determine how your day or evening is going to be, the relationship might not end well. Despite what anyone says, you can’t force someone to be into you, nor can you force yourself to be attracted to that person.

Ideally, when you enter a relationship, you incorporate your new significant other into your already stable world. You want to share your whole being with them, but you don’t necessarily need to. If you are in search of someone to fill a void, they will be unable to accomplish that goal. The only person that can make you feel “complete” is yourself, you must do that before you enter a relationship.

The next important question to ask yourself is what you do not want. What personality traits can you not live with? My mother always says a leopard’s spots don’t change — they can fade, but they don’t entirely go away. This is really about knowing yourself, which isn’t very easy during this stage in our lives when we are constantly changing majors and personal styles. So start small and make a list about the traits you love about yourself, first. Your secondary list about the traits you hate should certainly correlate with your first list in an opposing way. Your list should evolve from month to month as you continue to grow, but in the meantime, you’ll know sooner rather than later if it’s time to get out of your present relationship. Whatever you do, don’t settle — being in a relationship built on compromised standards only builds resentment between both parties.

Now dig really deep. What are your core values and beliefs, and do you expect the same thing out of your partner? Is their emphasis on truthfulness and honesty the same as yours? This is without a doubt what can bring down the best of friends or the greatest of lovers. Religion can play a factor in this self-inspection, but religion usually doesn’t come into play until you’re closing in on a life together, so it is okay to date out of your comfort zone. For others, however, it might be all about who their partner is in the not-so-visible areas, like principles and character. What else is carved in stone for you? Is it finances, family traditions or political beliefs?

One of the biggest relationship deal-breakers is work ethic. Do you both strive to be the best you can be? Do you both work hard at your respective job? In the end, a go-getter will be unable to deal with a partner who is not one. So be forward with where you see yourself in the future. That doesn’t mean you mention them in your future, but let them know that you are not stopping until you have accomplished your goals. Effective and open communication about career goals and accomplishments is the only way a relationship can flourish. You need to just put it out there; if it doesn’t end well and they do not appreciate your drive for success, they might not be right for you. They should want to tell the whole world of your successes — not try to put them down. With all that being said, sometimes people need a wake-up call, and seeing that they might lose that special someone might be the thing that makes them realize their mistakes.

Lastly, what does your new love bring to the table? Do they make you a better person? Have they expanded your world? Do they challenge you to be a better you? Do they pick you up when you’re down? Do they support you in your endeavors? Do you laugh when you’re together? Are they willing to watch your kind of movie? Are you with each another for the right reasons or does someone have a hidden agenda? Do they talk to friends about you when you’re in a disagreement? I believe the last occurence happens frequently in the early relationships but should be a non-issue as your relationship grows.

Even with all of these questions, you must ask yourself one of the most important questions. Does just the thought of them make you smile?

A relationship can be a great source of inspiration, but not all are right. When a relationship works, though — and there are plenty that do — it can be an incredibly rewarding experience with a possible lifetime of happiness. Like most things worth having in life, however, it takes maturity, wisdom and patience to do correctly.

 

Cassie Collins is a junior majoring in communication. Her column, “From Troy, with Love,” runs Wednesdays.