Espresso Profeta: Not all espresso drinks are created equal


Natalie Laczewski | Daily Trojan

Natalie Laczewski | Daily Trojan

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I hate to admit it, but to say that USC is 110 percent better than UCLA in every facet of life* is a lie. That being said, the only competitive advantage they have over us is that (1) they have a lot of really great food options around them (shout out to Fat Sal’s pizza fries) and (2) they are central to the fancier espresso bars I have on my Coffee Bucket List.

About a month ago, before all the chaos and sadness of academic life rained on my Coffee Tour parade, I hobbled on over into enemy territory to visit a cafe highly recommended by my boss: Espresso Profeta.

Per usual, parking was horrible and highly time consuming. I first attempted to snag one of the metered spots a short walk away, but they were all taken. Very unsurprising as the spots were meant to serve people going into Chipotle, the Boiling Crab and Trader Joe’s. Sad face. My second parking attempt led me into a parking structure that flat out lied to me. Beware: the sign out front says that there’s a $7 a day maximum rate and that is just straight up not true.

Espresso Profeta, or as I recently dubbed them, “EP,” is one of the strangest coffee shops I’ve been to. Their exterior expertly camouflages itself among the neighboring storefronts and shields them from the world even more, there is an overabundance of foliage right outside the entrance. It almost makes it look like EP is hiding from the non-Westwood folk. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have to circle around a couple of times to find it.

From the inside, it looks like someone made an active effort to make the space as inefficient as possible. As soon as you enter the door (if you can find it amongst all the plants), you’re smack dab in front of the baristas. This is extra awkward because they have somehow managed to squeeze three people, a massive espresso machine, and every other espresso-relevant tool behind the world’s smallest counter in a space that I’d estimate to be about four feet wide. Once you get past that, however, seating is fairly standard. According to Yelp, EP is a great place to study, but I will respectfully disagree with that until they can hook it up with as many outlets as Bricks and Scones did.

My trip to EP was on one of those rare days I wanted to try something new. For the occasion, I asked one of the baristas (or all of them, I guess — judging by the size of their workspace, I’d say they were all within earshot) for a recommendation and she convinced me to go with their “most popular drink,” the Caffé Nico.

Jackie Mayuga | Daily Trojan

Jackie Mayuga | Daily Trojan

#ragrets. Not only was it mind-bogglingly expensive, the Caffé Nicco was very much unlike what I expected. For some reason, I was anticipating something more along the lines of a Freddo, which has two shots of espresso shaken over ice with brown sugar and agave syrup until slightly slushy. Nope. In fact, the Caffé Nicco is a cinnamon-dusted, freshly-pulled shot of espresso paired with an orange zest, and while it wasn’t bad, it wasn’t what I wanted. At all, or probably ever.

Coffee Tour let me down that day. Maybe if I could find it in my caffeine-pumping heart to forgive them for the wrongs they did me, I’ll return to try something that isn’t orangey espresso.

Try it for yourself! Espresso Profeta is located at 1129 Glendon Ave., Los Angeles, CA 90024.

*If you hate food and coffee, then yeah, USC is 110 percent better than UCLA in every facet of life.

Jackie Mayuga is a junior majoring in applied and computational mathematics. Her blog column, #JackieLikesJava, runs every Saturday.

Natalie Laczewski | Daily Trojan

Natalie Laczewski | Daily Trojan