Advice from Dr. Blingspice: A Job Recruitment Guide for LinkedIn Haters

Why worry about looking for spring break plans when you should be looking for a job? The material girl lifestyle doesn’t pay for itself, and the internship definitely won’t recruit itself either. While I am a Marxist at heart, we have to deal with the cards we’ve been dealt with, and unfortunately, that means a life of toiling for a check.

With a competitive post-college job market, our generation has to be built to withstand the most sweat-inducing interviews, create the sexiest resumes and write the cringiest LinkedIn posts just to get by. As much as I despise internship recruitment and job hunting, Dr. Blingspice has you covered with all your employment concerns to make sure you can get your bag and afford your daily Dulce breakfast burritos.

I’ve applied to dozens of internships, but I’m really worried that I won’t receive a job offer from any of the companies I applied to. I haven’t received any callbacks. What should I do?

Our generation has brewed up an unhealthy job search environment that makes us have to work 10 times harder for the simplest roles. There’s just one thing to remember — all experience is good experience, as long as it’s paid.

If you’re unable to land an internship, find a different job that’s not particularly related to your field or take your time to improve your life skills to make yourself more marketable, whether it’s crocheting or building a rocket. As long as you’re getting compensated for your work and you’re finding value in what you’re spending your time on, you shouldn’t feel pressured by your peers’ Google and Microsoft internships. 

Everyone’s time will come, and one day, you too will be able to feast at the Google employee buffet.

My friends are pressuring me to use LinkedIn, but I don’t even know where to begin. Should I get LinkedIn, and how should I use it?

LinkedIn is undoubtedly the worst social media platform that exists. Why combine social media with our capitalist needs? It’s a platform filled with unnecessary boasting and corny posts about how a J.P. Morgan recruiter saved someone’s life.

Unfortunately, if you’re aspiring for a career such as business or entertainment, LinkedIn is a necessity because it makes employers at companies you’re applying to easily accessible. You can find practically anyone’s entire life story and their work on LinkedIn and gauge what kind of job you’re shackling yourself to. Employers tend to share everything from their deepest aspirations to their birth charts on LinkedIn unprovoked, and this is a major advantage.

LinkedIn is also a way to compile your best work into a public portfolio without having to purchase your own domain or design your own website. It makes your resume readily available to all your employers, haters and anyone else who is spying on your every move.

Just for the love of God, don’t purchase LinkedIn Premium. Finesse a free trial at the height of your job search, and you’ll quickly realize it serves no purpose. Use your LinkedIn to message people, avoid creating a corny post unless you have to and girl boss your way up to 500+ connections.

I recently got an interview with a company, but I’m really shy and not really that great with interviews. How do you think I should prepare?

Treat interviews as you would a typical conversation, except with a little rehearsal. Run through your resume and create a few bullet points about each job experience, prepare a speech about the time you had to overcome the greatest challenge of your life when you cured your best friend’s cancer and write down a witty joke. Having minimal notes deters you from a rambling session and keeps you organized in the life or death situation that is a job interview. 

It’s also not a terrible idea to keep notes on the person interviewing you. Twitter and LinkedIn stalking can go both ways — you can dig up information on employers the same way they scavenge for information about you. Did your interviewer tweet about their love for Nicki Minaj? If they did, find a way to talk about “Pink Friday” and create an unforgettable bond that will inevitably shift the trajectory of their decision.

Throughout the interview, find ways to make the interviewer like you beyond just your skills. They’re looking for someone with a personality (unless you’re applying for an objectively boring company and position). Outshine everyone, and remember that you’re more than just your work.

Emanuel Rodriguez is a junior offering advice on students’ most pressing questions. He is also the digital managing editor of the Daily Trojan. His column, “Advice from Dr. Blingspice,” runs every other Wednesday.