Advice from Dr. Blingspice: Help! My friends are clowns!
The same way you reevaluate whether you want to drop out at the end of each semester, there’s no better time to reevaluate your friendships than now!
That friend that gave you a backhanded compliment? Cut them off. Your bestie is talking about you behind your back? Have them square up. If there is one thing certain in life, it is that life is too short to spend it with people who do not value you.
However complicated your friendships are, Dr. Blingspice is here to help you confront your problems and reevaluate, remove or reset the relationships holding you back in life.
I am really worried about my friend. We were really close, but now she only comes to me with her problems and doesn’t take any of my advice. It’s really frustrating and draining because she keeps asking “Why does this keep happening to me,” and I’m (internally) saying “Cause you refuse to accept any solutions but keep complaining about the same things.” I shut up and nod my head now, but like she really needs help. What do I do?
Sometimes people need to fall on their asses a few times before they realize you’re right about something. If they do not listen to your sound advice, they eventually will.
A friend who does not want to be helped will not allow themselves to be. Everyone has a notch of stupidity and irrationality, and some people just have to eventually grow out of it through life experience — not through advice.
You have to wait till life teaches them their lesson; it eventually will. As Monique once said, “When you do clownery, the clown comes back to bite.” You have done your due diligence in helping them avoid it. If they want to stay in the circus, it is the jester’s fault.
As a generous advice giver, I rely on people’s personal clownery to write this column. Whether people take it or do not, it is not my problem. At that point, it is out of my control because I am aware of my power as a self-proclaimed advisor or, in this case, ringleader.
Allow your friend to flop even if it pains you. They will know to come to you for advice when they get tired of being humbled.
My friend makes mean comments about me jokingly, but sometimes they don’t rub me the right way. The comments aren’t enough to cut them off, but I’m not sure they’re enough to confront them about it either. What should I do?
Chances are your friend doesn’t know it bothers you; confrontation is the way to go. People, including myself, can come across as unintentionally rude for the sake of a punchline.
Next time your friend makes a comment that doesn’t sit well, hint at them in a subtle way that you are uncomfortable with it. The worst that will happen is they continue, in which case, it’s up to you whether it bothers you enough to cut ties with them.
Alternatively, you can play their own game and make petty comments back. This can normalize it for both you and might alleviate your discomfort. The nature of your conversations is whatever you make them. If your friend wants it to be a “Wild ‘N Out” roast battle, give it your all.
I think my friend and I are too dependent on each and hinder our social outreach to other people. How do I go about valuing their friendship but also feeling like we should spend less time together and meet other people?
Dependence on other people only sets up disappointment. As important as you think you are, even if you’re Beyoncé, no one can be there for you 24/7 nor can every friend serve every purpose.
You do not have to explicitly tell your friend you should spend less time with one another — simply, start hanging out with other people until you have established new relationships. This allows you to find friends for every occasion: some to pretend to study with, a few to go clubbing with and others to have a wine night with.
If your current friend asks why you have started hanging out with other people, simply tell them you’re trying to get your LinkedIn connections up. It is also none of their business, but if you want to give them an explanation, it is simply networking. Having several friends does not mean you do not value them; it implies that you have a social life.
Never restrict yourself to a single person because you never know if, or when, that person will disappoint you; bring some variety into your life.
Emanuel Rodriguez is a junior offering advice on students’ most pressing questions. He is also the digital managing editor of the Daily Trojan. His column, “Advice from Dr. Blingspice,” runs every other Wednesday.