Navigating one-night stands proves tricky

Perhaps you’re already an expert at navigating the tumultuous waters of the one-night stand — if that’s the case, congratulations.

But most Trojans aren’t quite sure about the best way to handle rolling over and finding someone they don’t remember meeting from the night before.

Don’t worry, though: A simple set of suggestions can help anybody — from newly anointed sorority girls to the workaholics who need a spontaneous night out — learn how to deal with the dreaded morning after.

The Reveal: The Fake Snoozer and The Getaway Driver

It’s morning and you’re not quite sure where you are. In the dim lighting of the 901 Bar and Grill, that guy or girl looked like a movie star.

Unfortunately, upon waking up, you’ve found that they aren’t your Brad or Angelina.

If you don’t like what you see, then it’s best to scoot away as quickly as possible. Don’t stop to fix your hair. Don’t stop to get some water. Just get back to your apartment before people start waking up.

But in the case that you actually find your new bedmate attractive, then sit tight.

It’s best to just go back to sleep or wait for them to wake up before deciding what happens next. Sometimes it’ll involve brunch, sometimes it’ll involve round two and sometimes it’ll end in an awkward offer to drive the other home.

Even though I personally believe in a hit-it-and-run-quick scenario, if it floats your boat and you’ve got some courage, wait it out. There might be a chance that this could turn into something.

And let’s say you really do need to leave but want to keep up some form of communication: You can try and leave a note of some kind, perhaps with your number for them to call.

Escaping before the other wakes up might not be the most romantic of notions — and some might even call it cowardly — but it’s certainly the safest in terms of your dignity. Nothing is worse than being asked to vacate the premises the morning after.

And in the case that they wanted you out as quickly as possible, remember that they probably went into the night wanting nothing more than a casual hookup. Perhaps, in the middle of the night, they woke up to realize how wild they had been and felt awkward or embarrassed. In any case, make them want you to stay: Leave a nice note behind and exit without making a commotion. Then see if they hit you up later.

The Waiting Game

Regardless of whether you snuck out faster than Usain Bolt or you spent the morning with your impromptu beau at Jacks N Joe, you still have to contend with the possibility of seeing them again.

So you didn’t leave a number behind — that’s fine, there’s no judgment here. Just be prepared for when you finally run into them again somewhere on campus, at a house party or on The Row.

Even if you think that the night went well, try not to get your hopes up. It doesn’t hurt to be a little cynical about the whole ordeal; in the case that they do call, it’s a pleasant surprise.

Remember: If they don’t call, it’s not a negative reflection of who you are. Come on, did you really think that you were going to meet your future husband at the 9-0 on Karaoke Night?

Just make sure you remind yourself that you are a great person regardless of your bedroom activities.

But save yourself the embarrassment of a possible dismissal once the sun rises and get out of there.

Sheridan Watson is a junior majoring in critical studies. Her column “Lovegame” runs Thursdays.