COLUMN: Trump’s address was astonishingly deceptive

Let’s not bury the lede. President Donald Trump’s address to Congress was an embarrassing display not only of the rookie nature of our Home Depot-colored pseudo-president, but also of the vast lock-step cultishness of the Republican establishment. In their inimitable fashion, they have continued to tout anything that wasn’t a total blunder as “presidential” — funny, considering that just a few years back, former President Barack Obama could quite literally win a Nobel Peace Prize only to be met with Republican claims that they saw Goody Proctor with Obama’s fake birth certificate. But now, in the calm, warm days of a white president, the leader of the free world can debate the size of his inauguration crowd for weeks on end, suddenly tell Congress on a given Tuesday that the “trivial fights” need to end and then be called the most presidential president ever to occupy the presidency. In fact, I’m almost sure  senior adviser Kellyanne Conway said exactly that. If not, call it an alt-quote.

Here’s the cold truth: Donald Trump is lying to you about the problems, the plans and the administration, right through his teeth. And any college student who hopes to be an educated adult — including my beloved California conservatives — should not be here for it. Trump’s speech was falsified, directionless, largely accusatory, desperate and sad. It was not “presidential.” It was a national embarrassment.

Trump began his speech by justifying his disastrous half-baked plans, essentially by reading the smudged writing on his hand: “Jobs, Muslims, Guns, Chicago.” Of course, all the reasoning comes straight out of the usual Republican playbook — lie, embellish and terrify. Tell your supporters that everyone’s getting shot, getting poorer and getting terrorized by scary brown people with beards.

“The murder rate in 2015 experienced its largest single-year increase in nearly half a century,” said the tall, sweating glass of Tropicana Freshly Squeezed, describing the increase in murder rate from 4.4 people per 100,000 to a staggering 4.9. The president then went on to describe exactly how many people were shot in Chicago last year — rudely failing to address the reasons behind his feverish preoccupation with the Windy City. Perhaps, while House Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, barefoot Conway and Russian President Vladimir Putin are busy running the country, Trump’s been enjoying the racy fourth season of Chicago PD.

Of course, Trump also made sure to touch on jobs, touting the “tens of thousands” of them being created by Keystone XL and the Dakota Access Pipeline. The real figure is 1,950 temporary and 30 permanent full-time jobs, according to experts cited by CNN. He also did his usual song-and-dance around terrorism, claiming that nearly all terrorist activity in the United States is perpetrated by foreigners — a lie substantiated only by a study conducted by our dear friend Attorney General Jeff Sessions, whose research sociologists found to be 42 percent fabricated. Come to think of it, Sessions hasn’t been the most trustworthy source as of late. How very odd.

Finally, he got to his actual plan — and there aren’t many specifics. But then again, it’s hard to iron everything out when you’re busy bogeying through those 18 holes at Mar-a-Lago every weekend. Perhaps he intends to intimidate his communications staff with his drive? Judging from what he was able to eke out in between the Republican establishment’s 53 standing ovations, immigration is the priority on the agenda. Trump’s idea of shooing out immigrants is economically disastrous (by the billions), spectacularly racist and also vastly unachievable without draining taxpayer dollars for a war on labor the country needs.

And this is all information Trump probably knows, considering he’s softened his stance on immigration considerably. But what the heck — let’s flip flop. Let’s lie.

Then, of course, there was the base-level call for school vouchers, another way to royally ruin the public education that the middle and working classes so desperately rely on — of course eliciting a big standing ovation from the party of Pizzagate and hatred. Betsy DeVos was sure to clap her very hardest, probably Googling the term “school voucher” as soon as everyone sat back down.

By the way, another fun activity the Trump administration has been up to this week: Championing the proposed repeal of the Cardin-Lugar Act, which prevented global corruption by requiring transparency in payments to foreign governments. I’m sure Vlad is pleased.

This speech was not “presidential.” I am hard-pressed to find any evidence that the speech was given by a man who is fully aware he is the president at all. His new, measured persona was contradicted immediately by extremist actions taken behind the scenes. His new tone of calm should fool none but those who were already deceived on and before Election Day.

Lily Vaughan is a sophomore majoring in history and political science. Her column,“Playing Politics,” runs every Friday.