Advice from Dr. Blingspice: A V-Day guide for virgins, Mitski fans and the cuffed

February is synonymous with one thing: Valentine’s Day. Whether you have a special someone to share a sushi roll with or your plans involve being snug and alone listening to Mitski, the holiday is one that shows that love is malleable to everyone’s needs. It’s about self-love as much as it is about sharing your admiration for a stranger you just met on Tinder. 

However, or whoever you decide to celebrate with, Dr. Blingspice is here to help you with all your Valentine’s problems, from sex to newfound crushes.

My boyfriend and I are sexually incompatible and it’s causing major issues. I feel like I’ve tried everything to keep it spicy, but he just doesn’t seem interested. What can I do to reinvigorate this area of our relationship?

While sexual compatibility shouldn’t be on the highest pedestal of a relationship, it can still make or break your beloved Valentine’s Day plans. Think about how unhappy a romantic union would be if the only thing your sexual tension and “You look good tonight”’ has amounted to was a brief, anti climactic hug.

To avoid your relationship resulting in cobwebs, confrontation is the only fix. That’s not to say you should tell him he’s an utter disappointment for not pleasuring you, but instead discuss what you are each looking to gain from your sex lives. If it’s a leather kink or bondage that ends up tying the relationship together, then you’ve resolved the problem.

If you don’t find the kink that makes the bed clink, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. Even if the pros of being with your boyfriend outweigh the lack of pleasure you find in sex, the fact that you’re submitting your sexual frustration to random Google Forms makes it clear that it’s a concern. Sexual chemistry isn’t something that can be easily  fabricated, and unless he decides to work with you to find a bond, it might be time to find another Valentine.

I really value my abstinence and want to stay a virgin. How can I avoid sex at USC?

Prudish girl winter participants must overcome their most difficult challenge yet this month. Virgin to a virgin: it’s not that difficult to avoid sex at USC. While it is a relatively attractive student body, and unholy thoughts might come to mind, think about all the excitement you can have doing your course readings instead. Who needs sex when you can read the “Aeneid” instead?

You should be the only person responsible for your sexual journey, and if you choose to spend Valentine’s Day with your fellow virgin sisters at Bible study, there’s no shame in that. The holiday is about love. In the case that you choose to celebrate by loving God and your abstinence or you accidentally succumb to devilish temptations and commit sinful acts, what matters is that your sex life is in your control.

So I recently got out of a relationship, and I am in the healing process, trying to fully understand all that happened in the relationship and how to move forward in a healthy way. But, I’ve rekindled a relationship with an old friend, and I’m confused as to whether or not I want to try and pursue something romantic with them. We have (platonic) plans for Valentine’s Day, but I’m not sure how to proceed!

Out with the old, in with the new. The way you bring in the new, however, is more important than anything, especially considering it’s an old friend.

Step one is to figure out if the interest is mutual. To gauge the feeling, do things that could be questionably perceived as either romantic or platonic. Give them a hug that’s strangely too long to make them overthink. Give them a compliment on their looks that could either be read as hyping a friend up or something to make them blush. 

The goal is to keep the person rolling in bed at night, confused and unsure of where you stand, until they’re forced to confront you to stay sane. Given they bring up the conversation first, you save yourself from any embarrassment if it’s truly meant to be platonic. You’ll also be in full control over the situation and have the ability to decide if you want to pursue a romantic relationship or not. 

Make sure to squeeze in as many mixed signals as you can, and stay as sexy and mysterious as possible. 

Emanuel Rodriguez is a junior offering advice on students’ most pressing questions. He is also the digital managing editor at the Daily Trojan.