Tea-sha: Tea-ring it up on and off campus

As a Pisces sun with a Scorpio moon, to say I cry a lot would be an understatement. You can blame my Leo rising for bringing attention to it. Elated? Tears. Exhausted? More tears. Enraged? Enough tears to flood my basement and drown my enemies (if I had any). 

I am sure my therapist would have a different explanation for why I cannot get through life without crying, but I have made it through 22 years of life by blaming everything either on my birth chart or my parents’ genes. I suggest you do the same for a happier and tear-filled life. 

Keep in mind, I am by no means a therapist, but being in tune with your emotions and doing a deep cleansing of your body every couple of days by crying seems like a no-brainer. It’s not quite as simple as it sounds. 

If you have not mastered the art of crying at any moment’s notice by using a memory bank of traumatic scenarios and past failures, it can be hard to know where to begin. My personal favorite is listening to sad songs by yourself and really feeling like they’re the soundtrack for your life. Dig deep and you’ll find the aftermath is a lightness from eradicating all those pesky emotions.     

Life is exhausting, to say the least and, sometimes, crying through it is just what the doctor ordered. You should absolutely seek help if you can’t seem to do anything but cry or can’t find humor during these trying times, but in moderate proportions, tears could be all you need. 

To start you on your crying journey, here are a few of my tried and tested favorite places because having the perfect backdrop and soundtrack is key to sobbing: 

Zoom

It’s the perfect multitasking tool. You may have heard of buying groceries, drinking, sleeping, cooking, working out and driving while attending Zoom meetings, but let me introduce you to crying as you figure out complex concepts during Zoom classes. 

If you wear glasses or sniffle, I would suggest having a box of tissues on your desk, so you can keep working as tears flow down your cheeks. Keep in mind that this only works if you’re allowed to keep your camera and microphone off during Zoom. Please do not try crying on-camera as it will alarm fellow participants and force you to change identities or leave town. 

Pros: multitasking, more brain space to store difficult information, a chapter for your memoir.

Cons: slippery keyboard, difficulty paying attention, camera/mic needs to be off.

In the shower

This is one of my personal favorite places to get a quick cry in before going about my day, and I’m surprised more people don’t know about it. A baptism of its own, crying in the shower is the cleanest and most efficient way to get your tears in. You don’t have to worry about your glasses, waste tissues or find ways to hide that you were crying. 

Pros: clean, efficient, don’t have to cover up, good for the environment.

Cons: expensive water bills, alarmed roommates.

Annenberg bathrooms

A quintessential classic. You cannot graduate from the Annenberg School for Communication and Journalism without having a breakdown or crying in the bathrooms at least once. The bathrooms are clean, don’t smell and are usually not crowded so you can still have your personal space. There’s also a full-length, high-quality mirror, if you’re worried whether your outfit will distract people from looking at your face too closely.

Pros: washing your face once you’re done, endless tissues, fastest way of opening up to Annenberg peers trying to get through their day.

Cons: awkward, might run into professor right after, non-ideal soundtrack.   

Trousdale

Want to feel like you’re in a movie surrounded by people, yet feeling alone? Trousdale may be the place for you. Filled with students rushing to-and-from classes and home to a number of Hollywood productions including “Legally Blonde,” “The Graduate” and “Gilmore Girls,” among others, you’ll be in good company. I would recommend walking while crying and avoiding eye contact with anyone you pass. 

Pros: perfect backdrop, getting steps in, your own Hollywood cameo.

Cons: danger of running into someone you know, being exposed, wet shirt.

Norris Cinema Theatre

A recent accidental discovery, Norris Cinema Theatre is the ideal place to cry surrounded by classmates without anyone finding out. The chairs are comfy; the temperature is cold and you can watch a movie as you sob. If you get caught, you could always say something about the movie affected you so deeply that you had no choice but to tear up. 

Pros: excuse for crying, perfect soundtrack, dark/theater lights.

Cons: no-noise crying, need to exit for hydration, surrounded by more than 50 people.

The Daily Trojan Newsroom

My most-cried place, Daily Trojan’s newsroom has a variety of options for all your crying needs — the main newsroom, the balcony with a view of Tommy Trojan, your desk while designing the next day’s paper, the Editor-in-Chief office couch as you spill pasta all over yourself, the printer room after the InDesign file gets corrupted past the deadline or the secluded old sports office. The best part? Everybody in there is always so close to tears that you could start a crying circle! 

Pros: options, friends to cry with, ghost of my past tears.

Cons: unprofessional, no newspaper if you cause a crying revolution, inability to stop crying anytime you visit.

The location and music options are endless once the tears begin to flow. Just remember, once you’re done crying — pick yourself up, go after everything you want and fight for your happiness as long as you’re alive one tear at a time.                

Twesha Dikshit is a senior writing tongue-in-cheek satire on everyday life, the world around us and our daily march toward death. Her column, “Tea-sha,” runs every other Monday.